Corporate America
by Trunks lil' sis
Summary: After driving back the Wraith, John and Rodney take an obligated vacation on Earth. John spends his sleeping and eating. Rodney spends his time freaking out. RodneyJohn


Title: Corporate America

Rating: PG-13

Author's Notes: This takes place in the **future**, months after The Siege Part 3 (Which has yet to air). Our dear Sheppard has been promoted to **Lieutenant Colonel**, and as the military brat will now explain, though his rank is of Lieutenant Colonel, when addressed his usual title is Colonel, unless formality is stressed. Finally, yes, he and Rodney McKay are in an Established Relationship, which means this contains **homosexual content**. If you didn't bother to read these notes and stumbled into to find the slash, then decided to leave me a rather nasty reply, shame, shame on you.

Warnings: As usual, this isn't beta approved. I don't seem to have much luck with them, and I am a History Major, not an English Major.

Disclaimer: Heaven forbid I own them …

Corporate America:

John Sheppard, who just happened to be one of the great big heroes credited to helping save Atlantis from the Wraith, simply couldn't believe his luck. Here he was, lounging about in a cozy cabin in northern Colorado with nothing better to do then relax, eat a lot of good American food and simply enjoy himself. His biggest decision of the day came during meal times when it came to hamburgers or hotdogs, or better yet, why not both? Yes, sir, the next week was his to do as he pleased, sleep as much as he wanted and enjoy the company of only one other.

He stretched out further on the loveseat and dog-tagged a page of _War and Peace, _a page much closer to the end of the book then John ever figured he'd get.

Light from outside streamed through an open window, the soft warmth of late May feeling like an aphrodisiac.

Had he ever had a better vacation? Had he ever deserved one more?

John shut his eyes. He was contemplating taking a mid-afternoon nap when the heavy door to the cabin burst open. The sound of heavy breathing filled his ears and John knew his planned relaxation for that day was more than likely over.

"We came out here to relax," He said, refusing to open his eyes. "R-E-L-A-X."

"Bravo, Colonel, you've won the spelling bee. We can now promote you to the third grade, and won't your mother be so proud."

"Hey, hey," John warned, opening his eyes and sitting up. "What's got your panties in a bunch?"

Rodney kicked the solid front door closed with a foot while he clutched a brown paper bag in both of his hands.

"My panties," Rodney started as he stalked over to stand in front of John. "Are in a bunch for a very rational and logical reason, and a predictable reason if I might add."

John raised an eyebrow. "Such as?"

"You know what?" Rodney knelt down in front of the coffee table strategically placed in front of John and the loveseat. "I just spent the last six months of my very valuable life at Atlantis, completely cut off from Earth in every foreseeable way, running from big grayish-blue boogie monsters who wanted to, if I may remind you, literally suck the life out of me. Not only was I charged with finding a way to stop such creatures from dining on my fellow colleagues, but the entire population of Earth as well, which they would have done had they gained access to the Stargate in Atlantis. I put up with a reckless, narrow-minded, oblivious Colonel Caldwell who just thought he could take down the Wraith with enough firepower and then inevitably had to come to the scientists for a way out of the very mess he created. _Then_, I was stuck, cooped up in my lab because every piece of Wraith technology recovered had to be analyzed, checked and double checked. I dealt with Colonel Caldwell constantly looking over my shoulder, never mind he hadn't a clue what I was doing, Kavanagh and his flawed calculations, and most importantly," Rodney gasped, "One Major turned Lieutenant Colonel who couldn't be bothered to spend more than five minutes with me, and those five minutes were spent relieving his sexual urges."

John watched Rodney grip the edge of the coffee table with an astoundingly strong grip. The Canadian seemed to be calming down with that burst of anger, but John wasn't so sure it was all out, and the brown bag still wasn't explained.

"But that," Rodney continued, "All that can't even compare to this." He gestured to the bag, glaring at it as if he had hope of causing it to catch fire.

"Okay." John swung his legs off the loveseat's arm and settled them on the ground. He leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "What's so bad? What's in the bag?"

Rodney pressed a hand to his chest in a dramatic fashion. "I never imagine, after all I've done for this godforsaken planet, that it would dare to betray me in such a ruthless way." He opened the bag, then suddenly pulled it back when he noticed John trying to peak inside. "However," He continued, "I should have expected something so predictably shady. After all, this planet houses such distasteful people, the likes of which no other galaxy should ever have to bare witness to. People like my parents," Rodney muttered, "You know, if they had paid half as much attention to me as I deserved in my childhood, I wouldn't have felt it necessary to--"

John reached forward to grasp Rodney's nearest hand in his own. "Straying from the topic at hand, McKay. The bag?" He released the hand and sat back.

"I went to the store this morning," Rodney explained. "That pathetic looking one a mile or so from here. All I wanted," He defended, "Was a little chocolate. Was that so much to ask for?"

Boy, John knew how Rodney felt. Just weeks after arriving at Atlantis, practically the entire chocolate supply had disappeared, even from the circle of trade. His own smuggled in stash was lost partly to his appetite and partly to Bates who was a far better poker player than he had let on. The as the months passed, it was fairly agreeable that each and every bar of chocolate was definitely gone. Something so trivial to the people of Earth had become a longing for those of Atlantis. John had made himself sick the first night he returned to Earth, gorging himself in his weight in chocolate.

While John had used the vacation to relax, Rodney hadn't. In all fairness no matter how much McKay seemed to bitch about Atlantis, John could tell he was rather uneasy on Earth, and in fact they all were to some degree. Earth didn't seem like home anymore, certainly not the home they had expected. John passed the required downtime on Earth by sleeping, and Rodney by working. John wouldn't begrudge him his own way of working through the obligated time, even if it meant Rodney spent more time looking at his damned laptop then him.

"And then I saw it," Rodney said.

The Scientist reached into the crumpled bag and pulled out an object. He held it away from his body, as if it might infect him by mere touch. He set it silently down on the coffee table. Rodney shrunk away from the object, shivering at it. "It wasn't alone, either." He reached back in the bag to pull another, similar object out.

"Rodney," John started, but stopped as Rodney held up a hand.

"I thought maybe it was fluke, or just a betrayal on one front. Hey, this is America I'm in, and something like this is the expected thing. Then, I realized it was a plague, spreading like wildfire."

With a pale face Rodney reached into the bag to pull out yet another object, followed by one more. "See?" Rodney looked at him with frightened eyes. "They're multiplying. Give me the Wraith any day."

John eye the object suspiciously. "I see, you're right, Rodney. Hey, I bet this is a conspiracy!"

Rodney gave a huff of annoyance. "Do you know what this means for me?"

"You're a paranoid schizophrenic?"

"I can never drink the regular stuff again! I can't risk a mix-up. It could result in my death."

John picked up the object nearest him and examined it.

Rodney gave him puppy-dog eyes. "Can we go home?"

"One week," John said, thinking longingly of Atlantis. "Then we can head back to Atlantis."

"Home. Atlantis." The words seemed to agree with Rodney and compliment each other. "Back to Atlantis with my nice lab and the nice Ancient technology, and none of this stuff!" Rodney gestured at the table.

John reached forward to snake a hand around the back to Rodney's neck. He caressed the skin back there, pulling his hand upward to thread through soft brown hair. "Try to relax," John suggested. "Take a nap with me."

He had to wonder if Rodney was going to go for it. The man certainly wasn't known for resting, even when his body demanded it. John could recall many nights he had been forced to accompany Rodney home, and see to it personally that he was in bed and asleep before he dared leave. He learned the hard way that Rodney didn't always go to sleep when put into bed, especially if a laptop was nearby.

"Okay," Rodney finally relented. "But just a short one. I want to get back to reviewing the scans Zelenka and I took during one of the Wraith Hive ship explosions." He pushed himself forward to mesh his lips into John's. It was awkward in their current position, but chaste and passionate nonetheless.

John smiled brightly. "Good." He stood and reached down to snag a can of Coke flavored with Lemon. "I'll just get rid of this." He popped the tab and Rodney lunged at him with a panicked expression.

"You put that down now, or so help me!"

John slowly lower the can and set it next to the diet lemon Coke, lemon Pepsi and diet lemon Pepsi.

"Stay!" Rodney commanded and carefully gathered the cans up. He walked the short distance to the kitchen and disposed of the offensive cans of soda.

"No soda for me?"

John scooted back on the sofa to a comfortable position stretched out. He beckoned Rodney over, tossing _War and Peace _onto the coffee table.

Rodney pulled off his jacket and slipped out of his shoes. "Not if you ever want to kiss me again."

It was a tight fit, but Rodney managed to scoot onto the sofa and pressed himself into John's side. He settled his head on John's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"Did you at least bring back some chocolate?" John asked. "Or were you too distracted by the corporate bastards of America betraying you?"

Eyes still closed Rodney managed to roll over slightly and grabbed for the bag, dumping it over. Hershey's bars spilled out onto the table.

"Good Astrophysicist." John petted Rodney and leaned over to press a kiss to his hairline.

The End.

_Additional Notes: This came about randomly last night as I was watching an episode of Atlantis with my brother and drinking a lemon Pepsi. He posed idea of Rodney reacting to the lemon flavoring of soda, something he would not have known about since being on Atlantis for so long. My timeline of release dates isn't perfect, so there is a possibility that in the Atlantis Universe, lemon flavored soda was already out before McKay left, but he's fairly dedicated to his work, so I don't suppose he'd get out much to the store, or go watching too much TV. _


End file.
